HOWLERS
Some students think that if you don't know the answer, marks might be gained by making the
examiner smile. This issue has gems from Maj Fred Thompson, a D-Day PARA. eg
Q. Define monotony.
A. Being married to the same person all your life.
Q. What is a Hindu?
A. It lays eggs.
Q. What is the meaning of
benign?
A. What you will be after eight.
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you
do not breathe, you expire."
Q. What is Britain's highest
award for valour in war?
A. Nelson's Column. |
ON MARRIAGE
One woman said to another: "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?"
The other replied: "Yes. I married the wrong man."
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife: "You know, I was a fool when I married
you."
She replied: "Yes, but I was in love and didn't notice."
A lady inserted an advertisement: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.MORE ON HUSBANDS
In B&C 86 Jun 96 Maj Bryan Coward, told of joining 2 Suffolk in Lahore as OC
"B" Coy in 1943. On his first day in the company office in a barrack block in
the cantonment he heard a conversation between the Coy Clerk and the Company Runner.
"Ave you seen the CO this morning?"
"No. But I've seen 'er husband."
Bryan has more tales on p N8. |
BIRTHDAYS
Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. |
WILY AT
EIGHTY
A man in Florida, in his 80s, calls his son in New York one June day.
The father says to the son: "I hate to tell you, but we've got some troubles here in
the house. Your mother and I can't stand each other anymore, and we're getting a divorce.
I've had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I'm telling you now, so you
and your sister shouldn't go into shock later when I move out."
He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the
news.
The sister says: "I'll handle this."
She calls Florida and says to her father: "Don't do ANYTHING till we get there! We'll
be there Wednesday night."
The father agrees: "All right."
He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife: "Okay, they're coming for 4th July.
Now, what are we going to tell them for Thanksgiving and Christmas?" |
WORLD
WAR 2 FACTS
From Heather Raybould in Canada:
- The first German serviceman killed in the war was killed by
the Japanese (China, 1939), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the
Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair,
killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies!
- The youngest US Serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham,
USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonourable Discharge for lying about his age. His
benefits were later restored by act of Congress.
- The German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning
toilet.
- At the time of Pearl Harbour the top US Navy command was
called CINCUS (pronounced ‘Sink Us’), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th
Infantry division was the Swastika and Hitler’s private train was named
‘Amerika’. All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
A CYPRUS FACT?
We are all familiar with military abbreviations like NAAFI, OC and CO. The Norfolk Editor
is reliably informed that in Cyprus, prominently displayed on a door, were the initials of
the appointment of the Senior US Army Officer whose establishment occupied the building:
Commander UN Transport. |
