Tom - 88 Jun 97

AN ODD ODDIE ODE
Those that have been charged on their Mess Bills will know that young officers were not over enthusiastic about Regimental Cocktail Parties. All without exception were somewhat short of dancing girls, guests were ancient, that is to say they were over 35 years of age. Thus the prime objective of all the younger members of the mess was to get rid of the guests so that there was still sufficient time left to sample the delights of Kowloon.
Now, Rick Oddie held the view that whatever Ben Chapman could do in the way of being a gymnast, he could do better. Before Ebenezer House, the Mess was in a quonset hut complete with concrete floor and horizontal metal beams in order to keep the whole thing up. The Oddie challenge was, 'I will leap about 20 feet from the top of the wall, catch the metal beam and do a backflip to the floor.' The music from 'Annie Get Your Gun' being quite popular at the time, the Chapman reply was, 'Whatever you can do, I can do better.'
Now this we had to see but being considerate several of us lifted up the carpet so as to make a primitive safety net. Thus we stood for ten minutes or more while Rick Oddie reconsidered his challenge, swaying alarmingly on top of the wall. Arms tired, throats parched and patience exhausted we said, 'Sod it' and threw the carpet to the floor. At that precise moment Rick Oddie took off, only to dive head first to the floor.
Consternation, recrimination, guilt, ambulance, hospital and threats of Court of Enquiry. But no, for three days later Rick returns, fully fit except that he no longer has any sense of taste or smell.
Cocktail parties were never the same after Ricks's death defying plunge. But what better way can there be to clear the mess of guests who have overstayed their welcome than for them to see a young host, oblivious of all that is going on around him, eating a 4' long gladioli, flowers and all, selected from the floral arrangement as if it were a stick of celery. As the last guests departed in haste you could see the question they pondered upon, 'Have I had too much to drink or has he?'

REPORTING SICK
We have all heard of being ‘excused boots’ or ‘excused PT’. Have you ever heard of anyone being ‘excused shorts’? After a rehearsal for the Almanza Day parade in 1953/4 poor Andrew Herbert, son of the then Bishop of Norwich, was excused shorts. No, not G&Ts and the like, but shorts, khaki, drill. Being a natural redhead and due to the length of time on parade Andrew was the victim of badly sunburned knees!